Ep. 208 - Colin Owensby: Beyond the Finish Line

0:01 Stories from Real Life is a production of Media Well Done, LLC. On today's episode of Stories from Real Life with Melvin E. Edwards... What happens when a former NCAA swimmer, two-time Ironman finisher, entrepreneur, creator, and 100-mile ultramarathon athlete discovers that the most important race isn't against the clock it's learning how to navigate grief and life's unexpected challenges? For Colin Owensby, endurance became more than a sport. It became a framework for healing, growth, and helping others find purpose in difficult seasons of life. Today, Colin joins us to discuss resilience, high-performance living, mental health, entrepreneurship, and why meaningful challenges can transform us from the inside out.

0:50 This is Stories from Real Life and today's story is Colin Owensby's Beyond the Finish Line. You are listening to Stories from Real Life, a podcast by engaging storytellers for engaged story listeners. Here's your host, author and journalist Melvin E. Edwards. Hello again, and welcome to another episode of Stories from Real Life. I'm your host, Melvin E. Edwards. Thank you for joining us for the podcast where real stories are so much more interesting than fiction.

1:31 Today on Stories from Real Life, my guest is Colin Owensby. He's originally from California and now based in Charleston, South Carolina. He's a creator and an entrepreneur whose journey has taken him from NCAA swimmer and high fashion modeling to Ironman competitions, ultramarathons, and resilience coaching. Colin, Welcome to Stories from Real Life. Hey, thank you so much, Melvin. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me on. Wear a lot of hats. You're a creator, entrepreneur, athlete, wellness advocate. Looking back, what experience has most shaped who you are today? Gosh, that's such a broad question for me. In the last... 25 years.

2:11 I started off my professional life in front of the camera in modeling and acting. Even a five-year stint, I was working as a stunt double in Hollywood, which was incredible and wild, but very fun. And I think that All of my choices as an adult were based on my upbringing and some events that happened in my teenage years, which basically caused me to say yes to any opportunity that landed in front of me that would be a positive and fulfilling outcome or what I perceived to be that.

2:57 I had some traumatic events happen to me in high school that shaped my perspective and said, when anything comes across my plate, if it sounds like it's going to be an incredible opportunity or something that will broaden my horizon or something that will fill my cup in some capacity, I'm going to say yes to it. What role does sports play in your development as a young man? I think sports... and other community events that I was involved in as a youth like Boy Scouts and things like that really, really developed me as a young man into an adult. The accountability and the discipline that it takes to perform at a high level, that started off as a young age and play is at the root of all of it.

3:48 But in order to have success with sports, you have to have discipline. You have to have internal drive. You have to have the desire to, well, A, participate, and then B, the desire to achieve success. So that was instilled into me at probably the age of five is when I started being a competitive athlete I started in two different seasons when I started skiing at age three and I was competing at a junior development sort of race level at five and then additionally swimming I started swimming on a swim team at five years old I had an older brother so he so being in his shadow I just wanted to play what he was playing ultimately.

4:36 And then to be able to be competitive against my brother because we wanted to play but we wanted to compete how brothers do. I had to sort of really really push myself to hone my skills in early if I wanted to be all in the same playing field. Yeah. So how does swimming at the NCAA level shape your mindset? Well, that one, again, it was when you get into college, most people don't play a sport. Most people are just there to do school, have fun, find in themselves. As an athlete, we had all of that plus eight hours a day of training. So I was at the gym at 5 a.m., which means you can't go out and party the night before.

5:22 You're dealing with sacrifices, but also it's to develop yourself. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be great. And in order for me to do that, I had to... i had to you know sometimes not sometimes most of the time say no to the fun stuff that other kids were doing because i have to wake up at 4 45 be in the gym at five be in the pool at six and then do it again for the afternoon practices and then i would also cross train which wasn't required of us but i would cross train with cross country team water polo team things like that just to really dive in so i think this internal drive of wanting to be good um just really shaped my whole professional career after college.

6:09 I want to be great at what I do. And I'm okay with putting in the hard work and saying no to the party if it comes up and going to bed early if it needs to happen. For example, I'm doing an Ironman in about 10 days from now. And last weekend, I had to do a five-hour bike ride. I live in South Carolina. It's hot and it's humid. But you know you got to do what you got to do and you got to train and so I look at that as an opportunity for me to say okay it's hot outside it's humid outside this is going to be great and a great opportunity for me to train in this climate so that I'm even more prepared in two weeks when it becomes time for me to do this race so that At an early age, it's not like my parents weren't driving me to go do this.

6:56 It was an internal drive to want to be good and want to be at an elite level. So yeah, it's gone into my professional career. It's gone into my fun career because I'm not doing Ironmans for money. It's truly for fun for me, but I want to do good. I want to do a good job. and that internal drive came from sports for sure. Yeah, that's crazy the dedication you have to have. I watched my son who was a college baseball player and he was also a mechanical engineering major. So you can imagine the time commitment for both of those. Absolutely. So he would, the freshmen had to be there half an hour before the rest of the team in order to set up.

7:37 So he would have to get up at about 4.30, be there at five. They practiced until seven go to breakfast, go to classes until 3 or 3.30 and then practice from 4 to 6. And then we expected to study for about 6 hours afterwards. So it was just crazy. It really is crazy. If you're putting yourself through school, there's no time to do that. You can't have a job and do sports. Thankfully, a lot of college programs provide food and board at least. If they're not giving money for other things.

8:18 I never got a scholarship, but I had my food and my rent covered and all that. um and man we put a hurt on the dining hall too because we're working out that many that many hours the whole the whole team would come in starving and we we would just I mean shut it down um but um I imagine with swimmers there it's not with baseball it sort of fits and starts you may run 90 feet or 180 feet and then you're you're still for two or three minutes of swimming. We're just moving all the time. I mean, we're, we're really, realistically, I was swimming, working, working out lifting weights and then swimming like three or four miles in the morning and then come back and swim a couple, two or three miles in the afternoon.

9:03 Um, so yeah, it's, we're cooking calories for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Um, For an athlete, a swimmer, you mentioned being a skier, and you talked about discipline. So what type of distinction with discipline separates successful athletes from those who burn out? Interesting question. The desire to want to do it sometimes fades, but you... I mean, at the end of the day, if it's not your livelihood, if you're not making money doing it, you always have the option to quit.

9:44 I truly enjoy the sports that I do and that I did. And I think you have to have the desire You have to be okay with recovery days. You have to do what you need to do to rest your body and rest your mind. For me, I did some team sports as well. I played basketball in high school, but most of my sports that I do are solitary sports where I'm not relying on a team. I've said this a lot of times to friends and things like that because I'm pretty calm by nature I'm essentially meditating when I'm swimming there's no there's no screens there's no audio I'm breathing rhythmically I'm moving my body it's complete silence and I'm in and out of my own thoughts for the entire time that I'm in the pool and when I was a when I was in college and it was every day.

10:42 That's a big portion of my day, so I'm very calm. And also, you know, physically, I'm a little bit more tired because I'm working out, right? But there's a serenity in swimming and there's a serenity in skiing because you're by yourself. And ultimately, I'm talking to myself I've always prescribed to positive self-talk as opposed to negative self-talk. If I'm trying to encourage myself, it's more of the cheerleader and not so much of the negative pressure on myself that I know a lot of athletes do put themselves on. Mine, it comes from a place of gratitude. It comes from a place of congratulating myself.

11:23 It comes from a place of that I'm in awe that I'm able to do certain things despite what I went through when I was a kid with my physical act. I was in a car accident. We could talk about that later, but I'm just amazed that I'm able to move my body. And so I'm congratulating myself. I'm breathing. Sometimes I have no thought, but it's peaceful. So I think with the sports that I'm in, I have the ability to have a pretty clear mindset and I always feel good at the end of it, which naturally makes you want to come back to it. That's interesting.

12:04 I was thinking, how do you keep your mind clear? You're a college athlete. You're 18 to 22 years old. How do you avoid getting distracted, having distracting thoughts like, I've got this test coming up and I need to study or... Can I ask this person out on a date? That's just normal college student things. How do you avoid those things distracting you while you're in the pool? I mean, I... I definitely asked a couple girls out on some dates. I just had rules. I had to be in bed by X time so I could wake up. Typically, I guess I would do my fun going out stuff on Saturday nights because Sundays we were off.

12:48 But not crazy because you have to be fresh and ready to go Monday morning or else the coach is going to know about it. Yeah. For me, it was never a burnout. Sometimes I was spread too thin. And sometimes, I mean, as an adult, I'm spread too thin. I have like five different jobs that I'm technically doing all the time. And so sometimes my calendar makes me have anxiety because I want to do my best. And I feel like if I have too many irons in the fire, none of them are getting the full effort and the full attention. So...

13:31 Yeah, to answer your question, I'm not 100% sure how I keep my mind clear, but I think that knowing that I'm checking certain boxes with my physical fitness and my physical health, and I'm proud of myself, and I guess I don't let myself get down on myself for if I have to miss a day or You know, I'll make up for it the next day. I don't have to say, oh, I have to kill myself today because I because I missed yesterday. It's not like that. I mean, I give myself grace. Like I said, it's not my livelihood to do these races. So missing one I have two meetings back to back and I'm supposed to get a two hour swim in today, but I only have 45 minutes to actually swim today.

14:18 I just have to be cool with the 45 minutes, do my best in those 45 minutes, maximize it, make sure my recovery is good. I'll probably have a better recovery because I did less intensity so that tomorrow I can give a better performance for myself. Okay. And you talked about all the irons you have in the fire as an entrepreneur. You worked in modeling, acting, content creation as we talked about. Question I have about the modeling part. How many times did somebody make the Zoolander reference? Oh, well, so when I started modeling, that came out like right after I started with that job. So it was, I mean, every day at some points when we were, I was living in Milan doing runway shows. I mean, that was like literally the life I was living, living in Milan in Paris in Germany, doing catalog shoots, doing runway shows.

15:05 I lived in a model apartment with other guys that were doing the same stuff. So we were, It was very top of mind. It was ridiculous and quotable because it's just so silly, but it's not 100% a stretch from reality. I never actually saw the movie, but I know the memes and stuff. It is what it is. It's based on something. It's not that far of a stretch. Did you get tired of people talking about that? No, it's funny. It's all in good fun.

15:47 Like I was mentioning with the sports, I kind of had that same thought towards modeling. It was never something I grew up really with a desire to do. I fell into it when I was a swimmer in college. And I just said yes to the opportunity. I thought it sounded fun and the cash sounded good, especially at like 18 years old. And so I started doing that sort of part-time while I was swimming. And then when I stopped swimming, I moved full-time into that job. And that's when I moved. I was in Los Angeles for about six months. And then I moved over to Milan in Italy for a while and then bounced around Europe, came back to America. And then I did sort of the East Coast laps with modeling like New York, Miami, Chicago.

16:31 internationally, overseas, over by Indonesia. I did some stuff in Hawaii. So I just probably bounced around a lot in my early 20s. And it was very cool. It was a very cool way to see the world, especially on somebody else's dime. And it was, you know, places that I would never dream of going, I got to go to. Because they do photo shoots in really beautiful places and really stunning backgrounds and scenery. And so I got treated on trips to go to amazing photo shoots for companies like Vogue and things like that over in Europe. It was just so cool. It was so cool. And like I said, it was never a passion or a dream of mine, but I always just thought it was so cool that I got the opportunity to even be there.

17:17 And the job in and of itself, it's not as easy as it might sound. You have to know your body. You have to know light sources and take direction well. I think you have to be gracious. I think the people who are really diva. Unless you are the biggest name in the world, you get canceled out because nobody wants to work with certain people like that. If you come in with humility, you come in with grace, you come in with curiosity, and I think that translates to any job, you're going to have success with it if you fit the mold. I just got back from a European trip just a few days ago with my family.

18:00 We went to eight or nine countries in 14 days. So it was a whirlwind trip. And those places, my favorite city was Lucerne, Switzerland. Cool. So what was your favorite while you were there? Oh, man. It's tough to say my favorite. There was definitely some standouts. I really liked Munich in Germany. I thought that was a really cool place. Um, It felt very German to me. Do you know what I mean? I felt like when I went there, I was like, this is real Germany. It's like coming from an American standpoint. And then there was all those beautiful coastal towns in Italy, like the Amalfi Coast, Portofino, those places I just thought were stunning.

18:45 I got to shoot for some pretty cool companies in those places. Like I said, I lived in Milan, but then oftentimes if you're getting hired by Armani, you're shooting in Venice or Florence or Lake Como or things like that. So I got to bounce around and see the whole country, which is pretty cool. It's hard to pick a favorite. I think out of all the countries that I visited, I could probably live in Italy. Out of all of them, probably the easiest. It would be more similar for my style, my vibe. I think for the unique, a very unique one, I got to work in Maldives, which was really something like, it felt like another planet.

19:27 It was very cool. And the water is unbelievable and the sand is unbelievable. And it just felt like you're kind of, like I said, like, it's like, I feel like you're on another planet. It didn't feel like earth. It was very cool. Yeah. You talked about Munich. We were, we went there, we went to Heidelberg and I liked both of those places. Yeah. Very cool. Florence and Venice were nice. I didn't like Rome. What about it? I liked the ancient part of it. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't like the rigor. Like the people or the amount of tourists or what was... Well, I just thought it was a dirty city. There was so much graffiti, so much trash rat.

20:08 I didn't, I had a hard time finding trash cans. I, I found that really strange. Like in London and in Rome, I had a hard time finding trash cans when I was just walking around and needing to throw away a bottle or wrappers. Yeah. I wonder what that's about. I, I, I don't remember that being a thing, but again, I was over there, gosh, 15 years ago. So it's been, it's been, I don't remember that's not the, but I can see how that'd be frustrating. I feel like that when I'm in New York city, when I'm walking around. And you left Europe and the place fell apart. Yeah, right? Yeah, that's cool. You guys sound like you travel like me. We bounce around when we're going. We're on the move. Yeah, I hadn't ever done anything like that before.

20:50 We went with the group. Oh, cool. And so the longest we stayed in any city was two nights. And it was exhausting. Yeah, I bet. And it was fun, but it was exhausting. Yeah. All right, so let's get back to the focus here. You're the focus. So was there a moment in your life when you realized the platform you had had become something bigger than a personal achievement? Yes. As I mentioned before, I always just thought everything that I was doing was kind of cool and exciting and new and out of a place of curiosity. But I also never really thought that What I was doing was unique until I started working in Hollywood and on film sets pretty regularly with A-list actors and Oscar-winning actors and things like that.

21:48 I had sort of a backseat to Hollywood, if you will. When I was 25 years old, a job opportunity fell in my lap again and I maybe I keep saying that but maybe it's I'm just putting myself out there and that's what it takes to get jobs I was at a dinner party in LA my the girlfriend at the time the girl I was seeing she was friends with some celebrities and we were at a dinner party at somebody's house it was cool it was fun and exciting and I was talking with this actor and and he was like, so what are you doing here in Hollywood? I said, I'm modeling and I'm doing some TV commercials.

22:31 I'm taking some acting classes. He's like, well, if you want, I can offer you a job. We got a new production starting up in a couple of months and I need a new photo double and stand in. And it doesn't pay great, but it's pretty cool and it gets you on set if you're interested. And so I said, yeah, without hesitation. I was like, yeah, let's do it. Give my contact info to whoever you have to at the production and we'll work it out. And so I kind of thought nothing. I thought it was cool, but I didn't think it was going to happen. and sure enough, like two days later, the unit production manager called me and said, you know, our lead put your name in so you have a job.

23:15 So if you want it, it's yours. And we're starting to do fittings for wardrobe styling and things like that. So what's your availability? Can you come in? And so the next thing I know, I'm on the Warner Brothers lot in getting a wardrobe fitting for a movie that's coming out. And at the time, it was the biggest thing I had ever been a part of. That movie was called Valentine's Day. And I was working for Ashton Kutcher. That was his photo double and stand in and stunt double. So I did all the driving in that movie as well as just on set lighting stand in. photo double like I said but the cool thing about that was every A-list actor was in that movie so and because Ashton was the number one on the call sheet they all worked with Ashton so I got to meet every A-list actor on that and see them behind the scenes and see their process before they go before the director says action and I got to see what these actors are doing and how they play and how they and so I got sort of a front row seat to how to be an actor um and and learn what it was like take to take and maybe they were performing some of them would do something completely different every take and some of them would do something exactly the same every single take and so you saw like their process and they worked things out with the director and they worked things out with the cinematographer and things like that um I ended up doing that job for five years with him and another actor um so I got to work on it with another actor named Chris Pine um

24:46 for a movie Denzel Washington called Unstoppable. I did some stunts on the movie. And yeah, I just had a blast with that. And I think that to go back to your question, that event, that was the moment where I was like, okay, this platform, this thing that I got myself into is something that's pretty special. So it's very unique. I only know three other guys that had that job. It's pretty unique. So how many movies have you been in? With him, I did four feature films, a ton of commercials, and then a TV show called Two and a Half Men.

25:28 And then for myself, I was an actor on... I think probably like 12 tv shows like little you know guest star parts um and then I did uh uh I was I was a lead in a feature film for an indie film so it did this the uh the uh festival circuit but never went to theaters um but the opportunity in the end and that education was very cool and again like I just thought it was it was really fun to do and and and the acting side with What you don't, I guess, if you've never taken an acting class, you explore emotions and you explore vulnerability and you explore being in the moment and really looking at the person that you're acting with.

26:12 And you're learning from them as they're learning from you. And then you queue up your lines based on their lines, but it's really a dance. And the cool thing about the acting classes and acting in certain movies is you're living in circumstances that you wouldn't normally live in. And so I got to experience different shoes to wear essentially. I mean, you get to walk in other people's shoes literally and explore emotions, explore vulnerability. Sometimes in acting classes, you push vulnerability. So you're really reaching extreme vulnerability on all these, because it's easy to take big emotion and bring it down.

26:56 It's hard to take no emotion and bring it up. I'm sure when you're interviewing people, if somebody's giving you one-word answers, it's like, okay, I need more out of that. You know what I mean? Yes. I can tell you a really quick story about that. I mentioned before we started that a typical episode lasts 40-45 minutes. In preparation, I write out 20 questions. and normally I don't get to all 20, but if the answers are very short, sometimes I get to most of them. There was one time I interviewed somebody and I used up all the 20 questions that I prepared ahead of time.

27:38 I came up with about 10 off the top of my head and the whole episode was 15 minutes. No. I am not exaggerating. Oh, man. 15 minutes for 30 questions. Wow. Wow. That's tough. That puts you on the spot. Yes. That was the hardest interview I've ever done. The woman was very nice. She just didn't have much to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have the opposite. I can keep going and going and going, so I appreciate you having questions lined up to lead me back on the path. Okay. Here's a more serious turn here. Tell us about the accident that you referenced earlier that changed your life.

28:19 Yeah, absolutely. When I was 15 years old, my brother was 16 years old. We were super close in age. He was 20 months older than me. He was beginning the senior year of his high school. I was the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. We went on a little road trip through California. I grew up in Sacramento, California. We went on a road trip through California to go look at different schools for him to apply to. And so my mom, my brother and I, we drove, gosh, I don't even know how many schools we hit, but we hit like everything in Southern California. All the university, like the UC schools, there's two systems in California that are public. It's UC and then the state.

29:01 So CSU, blah, blah, blah, UC, blah, blah, blah. and we went to a ton of them based on location, based on academic offerings, and he was an athlete as well. So he played football and he wanted to play football in college. And so we looked at athletic programs as well for him. they brought me along because two years later I'd be doing the same thing so maximize the opportunity we're gonna drive together and so we toured a ton of campuses in Southern California and we were driving north on that Sunday afternoon evening going back home and my brother was driving my mom's in the passenger seat I'm in the backseat and my brother was driving on the freeway and fell asleep at the wheel and the highway turned and we didn't turn and we went off the embankment at full speed and crashed into a bunch of trees and we were all awake except for my brother unfortunately but an ambulance watched us go off the road and so there was responders on the scene instantly I had the worst of the injuries in the car accident I'll let your listeners off the hook early.

30:18 I got the worst of the injuries. My brother broke a little bone in his foot, had a little concussion. And my mom had bruising from the seatbelts and some shards of glass around her body in the skin. But I tore a ton of internal organs. I tore my abdomen. I broke a bone in my back. At the time, they only saw one of the little breaks in my spine. I had another one that they didn't find about until two weeks later because it was a hairline initially, so they didn't see it. But then as I started rehabbing, it got worse. the ambulance pulled up they got my mom and my brother out they were okay I couldn't get out of the car my door was wedged in the dirt and against some trees we were in an SUV and what happened was at 70 miles an hour to zero miles an hour the luggage behind the back seat came forward and crushed the front the back seat that I was sitting in around so I folded in half over my seat belt and that's where everything broke on the impact.

31:23 So it was like as if a baseball player took us full swing to my to my midsection and I was stuck. I was stuck in there and the fire arrived and police arrived and they said, hey, there's there's smoke coming out of this. We got to get you out of this vehicle. Can you move? And I said, I can unlock I can unhook the seatbelt, but I can't get out this door. I can't get out. And they said, well, If we break the back glass, do you think you can climb over the back in the luggage and climb out the back? I mean, I can try. I didn't know at the time the severity of my damage. I just knew I was in pain and I was stuck. And so they said, cover your eyes. They broke the back glass and I crawled out with the adrenaline that I had.

32:07 I crawled out over all the luggage and got outside and immediately fell to the ground. I couldn't stand. And I was in agony. and they brought the backboard down the hill, put me on the backboard, and they carried me back up the hill to the ambulance and put me in the ambulance. And they put me into a coma for five days. So I was knocked out. And they do that as a pain management for where there's traumatic surgery and things like that. So I was in a medically induced coma for the better part of a week. and I came to in the ICU and I was really confused and I couldn't move. I had sensors on all my things.

32:49 I had IVs everywhere and I heard my heart rate on the monitor thing and I was terrified. I was 15. My dad was sitting next to me. He wasn't there. So I can't imagine his shoes. He got the phone call. Your whole family's been in the car accident. By the way, they're like five hours away. So he raced to where we were, which was in the town called Santa Maria in California. um my my my mom and my brother um got a ride from a family member back to Sacramento but I but he stayed down there with me in the hospital um helping make decisions with the doctors and things like that um yeah I mean it's just an awful awful experience um and I remember it clear as day it was 20 I mean I was 15 I'm 41 now and I can see it like it was this morning wow it's unbelievable Yeah.

33:44 So what was the recovery like? Yeah. So as I began recovering, so like I said, they didn't know that I had another fracture in my spine. So once I was able to move, so when they do organ surgery involving your stomach and your intestine, you're not really allowed to eat food. So they put you on IV and you get vitamins through your IV and liquids through your IV. But at the time I was six feet tall. now I'm 62 now um but I was six feet tall and I had emaciated down to like 125 pounds yeah I got down I mean 125 pounds I was I was just bones you know um so they really wanted me to start having food as quickly as possible so that I could start getting some weight back and then once I started getting weight back then I started had to start teaching my body how to move again because with that with that muscle uh atrophy um you can't you can't walk so they told my folks that there was a spine fracture but he'll be on the mend and just get him up and moving around X amount of times per day and do little arm exercises with resistance bands and try to get him there so I stepped to my PT plan and I was doing everything I was told but every day that went by every hour that went by that I was doing physical therapy I was getting worse and worse pain in my back And my parents said that off my spine, they could see a bump starting to come out of my back.

35:16 And what it was is my spine was actually breaking more. So they took me into, I walked in a walker into an x-ray facility. They strapped me to a board and they said, had you tripped on a curb or anything, you could have severed your spinal cord right there. Like you would have been paralyzed from the belly button down. They put me on a gurney, took me to the ER. They wouldn't let me walk again. and then they did an emergency spinal fusion on my lumbar spine. So I have metal rods and hooks and bars and screws in my lumbar spine still. And so that was about a month after the car, three weeks after the car accident.

36:03 And then after that happened, my recovery started really progressing. But I was in a body cast, a torso cast for stability for through January. So slowly I was bringing my body back. Slowly I was coming. Oh, I didn't tell you when the accident was. So January is irrelevant. The car accident was the beginning of October that year. So October 10th. So about three months I was still in that cast. And I was starting to get stronger. And first I was wheelchair bound. I went into a walker. Then I went to Cane's. And then my school went back to school after the Christmas holiday.

36:43 and I went to school with a cane. I remember it was the first day back because prior to that, the rest of that fall semester, I was in homeschooling because I obviously couldn't walk and couldn't get there. So everything was looking up. I was healing. My brother is back to playing sports. He's lifting weights. He's looking strong. He's getting ready to hopefully play the spring season of swimming, I guess, as he was going into swimming, but then also ultimately to want to go meet with colleges to potentially play football. So he's getting back in shape. We went to the gym that Wednesday evening, January 12th of 2000.

37:28 And I was doing my physical therapy. He finished his weights. And so him and his buddy Phil decided they wanted to go play basketball in the basketball court gym. And I was like, I can't play, but I'll come and sit there on the sides and watch you guys. And they're just playing a game of 21. It's like a pickup game. Every man for themselves is him and Phil and their kid from the gym. and my brother went to go make a layup and he was running back towards the three-point arc to the top of the key and just went down like a tree. I mean, he just, it was like just a big thump and he started into having like a seizure. I had never seen a seizure before, so I didn't know what was happening and At first I thought he was joking.

38:14 I was like, what are you doing? And then I was like, oh, this is like an emergency and it scared me. So I, as quickly as I could shuffle to the front desk, told the front desk, hey, call 911. There's an emergency on the basketball court. Then call my mom. And I went back. And after they did that, the manager from the club came out and they realized that my brother had had a heart issue and his heart stopped. and that's what that's what was happening. So they were doing CPR on him, but he was to to to no avail. He he he passed there on the basketball court. And so when the ambulance arrived, they did shock paddles and tried to revive him.

38:57 But he was he was gone. there and so when they put him in the ambulance my mom arrived basically at that time we followed the ambulance to the hospital and they they continued working to try to revive him for what seems like a couple of hours I actually in in real time I don't know how much how long it was because in those moments I I truly don't know how long it was um it felt like hours my dad met us there because he was at a an event that evening or something and um the doctors came out and said you know we did everything we could and and unfortunately he didn't make it you know I'm so sorry thank you yeah that and that was uh that was the last night I had my brother with me um so when everything was kind of already looking up then that happened again and that was just another big blow to me and and my family and um we didn't really know where to go from there you know um no parent knows where to go from there that's just and the other the thing that was such a shock was because he was so fit and happy and like a beautiful young man with so much future to look forward to uh then yeah it's just what a tragedy yeah it's just terrible I'm sorry I know it's been a long time ago but he should still be here so I'm my sympathies to your family

40:27 Thank you, sir. How did that experience determine who you became? It really did. It really did affect my entire adult life because After the initial grieving process and the mourning process, which thankfully we had so many beautiful families around us that loved us and loved on us and helped our family emotionally through these hard times, I unintentionally realized that I lived basically every day from that point forward with purpose and with intention because subconsciously I knew and I know that tomorrow's not promised even if you're a fit person like me like myself like I'm going to do an Ironman in 10 days I'm fit but and God I hope nothing happens but it some the worst could happen you know I might not even you know I don't want to put that out there but There's nothing promised and so I want to do my best every day and live a full life every day.

41:43 And so that's why I said yes to every opportunity that came along that sounded like it would enrich my life or be something that I would enjoy or something that would fulfill my life. I said yes to a lot of really cool things that came up and which put me in fun cities and it put me in fun rooms and it put me in fun experiences that people dream of. And I never shared this full story until a couple of years ago because in some weird way, I didn't think that my story was unique.

42:29 I thought that everybody deals with tragedy. everybody has tragic things happen to them and everybody just does their best every day and I learned years later that that's not the case that a lot of folks that deal with tragedy kind of shut off and shut down and I tried to figure out what that was in me that didn't shut me down and shut me off and turn me towards drugs or turn me towards a pit of depression. Yes, I've had pit of sadness feelings, like the darkest despair feelings, but it never was more than a moment in a sense.

43:10 It was never something that I was going to live in darkness for days and weeks on end. I would honor the sadness that came. Even when I'm doing these athletic feats, I'll see something that will remind me of my brother, and it might bring a tear to my eye. I send him some love wherever he is. Chokes me up right now just even talking about it. and honor it and keep going. I move on. It's not something that has to... Just now, I had that moment of sadness and it passed. I'm grateful for that. I know that I can do my best every day and it's going to be full.

43:51 The longer I get to be on this planet, it's all just a blessing from here on out. It's all from gratitude. Grief is different for everybody. The thing that I've learned over the years is Don't ever say to somebody, I know what you're going through, because you don't. Even if your experience on the surface is exactly the same, you may have also lost your brother. You don't process things the same way. Right. Another thing I've learned is that grief is the cost of love, and it never ends. Just like we say that love never ends in some circumstances, the grief probably never ends either because you will always love your brother.

44:37 He's just not there with you. Yeah, yeah. So when you go out on that next marathon, ultra, ultra race, just take them along with you. Just have a conversation with them. what's interesting so at various times in my life and my dad's life my dad's dad died young he died also playing sports he died playing golf and my dad's brothers are also athletes and they have both had heart issues thankfully they're still with us but I've always had in my mind like okay like I've seen what can happen here And interesting, so at big moments in my dad's life, he said that he would see a bald eagle or a golden eagle flying around and he would think that it's his dad with him.

45:35 Just checking in on him because we were in Boy Scouts and we were all Eagle Scouts. And so there was kind of this like a connection with that, but also patriotism and also like the beauty and the grandeur of an eagle is like kind of something special for our family. and most, I mean, you know, it's great. We, my brother and my, we, we spread some of my brother's ashes on the top of this mountain in this area is called Pyramid Peak. And my, my dad and I were sitting up there and this is higher than eagles should go, but two eagles, no joke. We're sitting on the top of this mountain and two eagles kind of cruise past us and soar past us and check us out on top of this mountain. And it's like, well, How can you not connect the dots?

46:19 I mean, even if it's nothing to someone else, I mean, the connection for us was special and beautiful and it was kind of a gracious moment for us. And now every time that I see them and they're not, you know, I don't see them all the time, but I think of my family. I'm grateful for my family. I think of my brother. um in my last Ironman I did in Maryland I was in the middle of a bike course and it was it was getting to the point of the course where it was getting hard I was getting tired and and right there uh a bald eagle cruise next to me for a little bit out there over this marsh and I and I was kind of like well I got I got some something looking out for me I'm gonna keep pushing you know um it's I don't know why humans do that.

47:07 I mean, people do it with butterflies. People do it with hummingbirds, things like that. But there's something warm about it. And so I'm going to keep doing it. And they do come up in specific times where you kind of need it. So I'll take those omens when I get them. So why do you think men in particular struggle to discuss grief? You know, it's interesting. Historically, I think that... they were told not to and I'm in the generation where I am on the cusp because in my early years it was kind of told not to and in my later years you're kind of told to embrace it so I think there is a change in the tide on that narrative I coach people with physical fitness stuff and mindset things and I'm working with a kid who's 19 and he's like the most emotionally vulnerable person I've ever met.

48:07 I think that that stigma of men not allowing themselves to talk about hard things is fading out with the newer generations, which is a great thing. Because I think it is good to talk about grief and it is good to talk about and to ask questions about it. I mean, I've talked with veterans who have lost their brothers in action and connected with them on that. And there's certain organizations now, these foundations, like the Veterans Future Foundation, and they are huge in having these veterans come and talk and share stories, but also do physical fitness and grow together you know in a positive way with new purpose so I there was an I think there were many eras there where men were encouraged not to talk about their feelings and I think that that is going away and I think it's beautiful that it's going away um for me at an early age every time you go on a first date or you go on a job interview you start hanging out with new friends the question comes up do you have any siblings you know and I always have a a split second hesitation how am I going

49:38 to answer this am I going to let them in or am I going to say no um and sometimes how much am I gonna let them know? And sometimes it's like, well, I grew up with a brother, but now he passed away in high school and now I'm an only child. I'll say that probably the most, but I've said it a thousand times. And so it's not, it doesn't break my heart to, I'm more nervous about what they're gonna receive than what I'm gonna give. So I'm grateful that in that sense where I've, had the opportunity to think about being vulnerable and again I told you I have all that abdominal surgery I have a huge scar on my stomach like it goes from my chest to my belt line and I swam for college so every time I'm in a speedo every time I'm in a swimsuit every time I'm on a beach every time I want a photo shoot that inquires me to be in a swimsuit what happened to your stomach I was in a car accident in high school.

50:41 I tore XYZ. I can either ramble through it with no emotion or I can, depending on the situation, talk about it. If they're more inquisitive, I'll dive in and share more. I wear this scar and I wear my brother on my sleeve and I'm an open book. If people want to talk, I want to be there for them to talk because so many people have been there for me to talk and it's helped me immeasurably. It's helped me with everything. Explain to me what the map of resilience is. The map of resilience is something that I developed because I was encouraged to start sharing my story and I needed to figure out what it was, what's the takeaway that somebody can learn from this besides just that there can be a positive outcome after tragedy.

51:42 And so I started thinking, what is it that I did that got me through all the hard moments in life, including my brother passing, my parents splitting up, my if I ever lost a job what did I do that made me feel better and it's all the same toolkit it's all the same toolkit and essentially there are there there are nine things that you can that I do every time I feel like the wind got taken out of my sails and that's my map of resilience so it so it it Being resilient, in my opinion, is being able to pivot or find a way to keep moving forward no matter what obstacle or hurdle or boundary is put in front of you.

52:30 That's resilience to me. And so these tools that I have sort of figured out, I boiled down what these things were, these are my toolkit on how I overcome any emotional obstacle. and do you want me to spell them out for you? No, go ahead. Yes, please. Yeah, so there's a list and I'm going to say I'm out of order because I don't have it written down in front of me, but essentially one is reaching everything with gratitude. So when I did my 100 mile ultra marathon, Prior to that, the furthest I had ever run was 26 miles of marathon. I didn't know how far I could go.

53:11 I didn't know what my limit was. And I'm grateful to say that I still don't know what my limit is. Because every single footstep past 26 miles on that run was a personal record for me. It was a personal best. I just had gratitude. I thought, this is so cool. I'm so grateful that I get to move my legs because somebody told me and my family that maybe there's a chance that he might not be able to move his legs again so I'm just grateful that I get to move my legs I met a girl when I was 24 I was at a concert it was a summertime it was hot in California I had my shirt off I just was wearing shorts and I hear her say how I hear a girl's voice behind me ask how am I standing how are you standing and I turn around and I like confused and I see she's in a wheelchair.

54:01 She said, I have the same scars as you. How are you standing? Wow. And from that moment, I was just like, man, I am so lucky every day that I get to move my legs, that I'm here, that I'm healthy, that I have a voice, whatever the thing is that's in front of me today, I'm so grateful that I get to do that. And like I said, with all my career path, all those things came from gratitude and just like cool. I just find everything is so fascinating. So that's step number one. Step number two is education. Educate yourself. If you're ever having a down day, if you can learn something, set up, find an online course, listen to an audible book, listen to a podcast.

54:48 It's educational in some capacity. If you're learning, you're not dwelling on the sadness, you're growing. So find something that you can learn. Read an educational book, something to learn something. Learn a skill, take up a hobby, learn how to cook a recipe. I mean, something that's gonna grow you, learn something. If you're learning, you're not dwelling. So that's number two. Number three is, well, number three and four is physical fitness and nutrition. You gotta do something to get your heart rate up every day. And the minimum, I think, is 20 minutes. But reality, like I said, I did a 100-mile ultramarathon.

55:31 You can literally go for 24 hours if you train. You can do amazing things with your body, but you have to look at physical fitness and getting your heart rate up every day as part of your living responsibilities. That's self-respect. And I look at that nutrition as the same way. Eating quality real food. If you're eating processed bad foods, that's what's living in your brain. So if you're having thoughts of darkness and sadness, but you're eating bags of chips and buckets of ice cream and fried this and whatever, things with added sugar and that, Those things are living in your body, in your organs, in your brain, and it's going to affect the way you live and the way you think.

56:19 So if you can find real food, I mean, like real things that grow out of the earth, whether that's all vegetables or meat or nuts or fruits or whatever, those things, that's a step of my map of resilience is eating intentionally and hydrating. That goes without saying it too. The next one is community service and giving back. If I'm having a hard day and I have an opportunity to go do charity somewhere, go do a community service, go give something, whether it's my time, my physical body or money, I fill my cup and somebody else is benefiting from that.

57:00 So it's a win-win. For example, when I was in high school, after my brother passed, I started volunteering with the Special Olympics youth swimming program in Sacramento. And I was coaching kids that were either nonverbal, high on the spectrum. With Special Olympics, there's all kinds of people with various challenges. I would get in the water with sometimes some kids that would be afraid of the water. And we'd work with them on swimming, work with them on breathing underwater. And then I remember I had this kid, he was literally afraid to touch the water for weeks.

57:40 He wouldn't get in the pool, but he was there. His parents just kept bringing him back, kept bringing him back. and eventually he trusted us enough to get in the water. And eventually I remember the day he swam a full lap, the look on this kid's face lit me up and I'm holding that. I'm 41 years old. I'm still holding that. I was 16 when it happened. You know what I mean? Like that's the power of giving back. You can have a big impact on somebody's life with something that comes naturally to you. And then now I'm involved in an organization here in Charleston called Racers for Pacers where We push kids that are wheelchair bound in community 5Ks and 10Ks, which I think is so fun because they now get to participate in their community in these sporting events that they've never had an opportunity to participate.

58:29 It's called adaptive sports. It's the coolest thing. You can do it in a lot of different cities. Find an adaptive sports thing near you because it's going to melt your heart. It's the sweetest event whenever you can find one. They have them all over. I highly encourage it so I forgot what step number I'm on but the next one is finding a positive community and that can be your family some people's family isn't a positive place for them so maybe not them but it can be your family it can be any kind of group that's going to enrich your life There are this new wave of run clubs. It's like a trend everywhere. Everybody's doing a run club. That's going to enrich your life. You're doing something positive and you're meeting people.

59:11 Sometimes people or your community could be just a hobby. You might like to collect baseball cards and there's another there's there's 20 people in your town who like to collect baseball cards and there's a Facebook book for it or something like that you know so being involved in a community that's going to positively affect your life that helped me so much and on days where I'm feeling down I go find a community that I can be involved with and for me it's always fitness based I get fired up from people who are doing fitness together so I always like to go find fitness and like a run club is a great example and if you're nervous to go to run clubs I just heard this This week, you walk into an event.

59:53 This can help at any kind of networking event where if you go by yourself and there's always groups of people, cliques of people, you can walk up to any circle and you can say, Hi, would you mind if I join your circle? I came by myself. And nobody's going to say no. It's like the easiest in, Hi, I'm Colin. Can I join your circle? I came by myself. And you can figure out if you want to be in that circle. but they're gonna let you in. Now you're in. It's like the easiest in to get into any group at these networking events. So I like that line. It's easy and anybody can do it. I was always trying to think of where I was at the creative outlet is one of them so finding a creative outlet I think and when you're doing something creative you're using your imagination again it's hard to dwell in darkness when you're actively imagining and creating so for me I bought a guitar when I was 16 and To be transparent, a girl that I thought was cute, I heard her say that she liked guys who played guitar.

1:01:02 So I went to Skip's Music in Land Park. I bought the only guitar I could afford. And I bought a guitar and a chord book and I started figuring it out. but it's brought me joy. I took a French class in high school. I took a French class for that same reason. Hey, you're learning something. It's going to broaden your horizons, right? But I still have a guitar and I I love playing it but then I found other creative outlets that I love to do like acting and I like writing and public speaking and things like that I found these they fill my cup like it's so fun it's enjoyable so those are like the tangible ones and then the one that's kind of like a bonus and if you're not into it it's fine but if you are into it it's helped me a lot is finding some kind of spirituality that helps you out whatever you associate with for me I was brought up going to a specific kind of church that isn't 100% aligned with my brain.

1:02:05 I never felt like it was my lane. And I always was kind of like jealous that so many people were like, had 100% faith in this particular lane because I never had that. But when I went to college, I started studying different religions and different spiritualities. And then when I went to Los Angeles, there's opportunities for me to go to. I mean, a multicultural city is going to have a lot of different kinds of spirituality studies. And so I studied everything I could get my hands on. And I thought it was so cool to learn all these different tips and tricks and kindness things and love things and gratitude things and meditation things from all these different I guess origins on the earth.

1:02:55 They were from everywhere. And so now I have all these tools that I love to have in my pocket. So if I ever am feeling a certain way, I've got two or three tools that I learned from a different spirituality that I can deal with that particular thing. It applies to different parts of your life. Some people don't want to deal with spirituality and I get that. It's fine. That is what it is. But there's all those other tools collectively were my personal roadmap to resilience. And then the last one is goal setting. So for me, I always put something out on the calendar that I would love to achieve.

1:03:37 And I think that it would make my life more full if I could do that. And I never know if I can actually accomplish that goal. It's something that's within reach, but I still don't know if I can do it. So it keeps me curious about that I have to actually work hard towards that goal, whether it's career, whether it's physical fitness. Yeah, it's basically career physical fitness for me because at this point, those are where I set my goals. But it could be, I don't know, the possibilities are endless. I mean, you could have a goal to like, hey, I want to ride a children's whatever that is but I don't know if I can write a children's book so we're going to work on that today and I can chip away at it whatever that is so goal setting I think is the last piece of the puzzle because also if you're ever sitting on the couch feeling down in the dumps and you have a goal I got 20 minutes I can go work on that goal and for me that's my path that's the simple toolbox that I use to get through any hard time And that's what I did after my brother passed.

1:04:43 I got all of that because my family did all those things. And I'm so grateful for my parents for doing all of those things with me. We did all of those things together as a unit. And then so when my family kind of fell apart, I went back to what I knew and it made me feel whole again. You know? Nice. Thanks. All right. So as we wind down the conversation, I've got a quick lightning round of questions. So I'll ask you the questions and you just give me brief answers to these. All right. So the plate, the favorite place you've ever raced. I think it's going to be this weekend. I'm going to nice in France and it's, uh, it's going to be epic. Yeah.

1:05:23 Yeah. It I, that's like a cheater question. Cause it's future. The past one, I did the escape from Alcatraz triathlon. That was pretty cool. I, that was unique. Well, there's future at the time we're recording this, but it'll be past by the time we're- Oh, yeah. I did great on that nice one. Nice. Congratulations on getting the gold medal. Thank you. Nobody's going to know. Right. All right. So what's the hardest physical challenge you've ever completed? The 100 mile ultramarathon for sure. No question. That was the hardest thing I ever did. The cool thing was I ran across the finish line. I ran the entire time. And so I still don't know what my limits are. There could be another longer one out there in the future for me.

1:06:03 I happen to think that's crazy, but congratulations. 100 miles. That is a long way. It's far. So what's the most underrated? Go ahead. What did you say? I said it's far. What's the most underrated life skill? Confidence and resilience. Building either of those is the most important life skill. It'll get you where you need to go. Okay. One book everyone should read? Completely not in my wheelhouse for this topic, but I think Money Master the Game by Tony Robbins. You can set yourself up financially for a successful future. I think it's great.

1:06:43 Alright, so favorite recovery meal I go heavy, heavy on carbs So my wife makes a pasta bolognese that's unbelievable And I'll eat like a family of six size serving for myself Family of six? Yeah, she makes a giant pot of pasta and bolognese And I inhale it That's my favorite recovery meal for sure Alright, last question A challenge that's still on your bucket list fatherhood. I hope you get there. I think you'd be a great dad. Thank you, sir. Yeah, I hope so too. After this race, we're going to start trying to dial in our biology optimization to get there.

1:07:31 So hopefully next time we talk, we'll have some news. That sounds great. Give me the first scoop so we can have the exclusive. We'll do it. That sounds great. So my guest today has been Colin Owensby. Colin, thank you so much for this conversation. I really appreciate it. Thanks, Melvin. Yeah, if anybody wants to follow along with me, I'm at the Colin Owensby on Instagram, TikTok, all the places, the Colin Owensby. Okay, so I was just about to say, to learn more about Colin, follow his work and support his Purpose Through Endurance campaign, benefiting Veterans Future Foundation, and the links are in the show notes. That's it for this week's episode of Stories From Real Life.

1:08:12 Until next time, don't forget to shine your light wherever you go. That was Stories from Real Life. Join us again next week for another great storytelling journey. See you next time. Stories from Real Life is a production of Media Well Done, LLC.