Ep. 222 - Rich Dunning: ‘Silence Was My First Language’

0:01 Stories from Real Life is a production of Media Well Done, LLC. You [music] are listening to Stories from Real Life, a podcast by engaging storytellers for engaged story listeners. Here's your host, author and journalist, Melvin E. Edwards. Hello again and welcome to another episode of Stories from Real Life. I'm your host, Melvin E. Edwards. Thank you for joining us for the podcast where real stories are so much more interesting than fiction.

0:42 My guest today is Rich Dunning, author of Silence Was My First Language. We'll talk about what it means to put difficult memories into words, how much of our past we carry into the lives we build, and what we hope someone else might understand when we finally do speak. But Rich, welcome to Stories from Real Life. Melvin, first of all, thank you so much. And I'm honored to be on the show. You're doing some great things out there. Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. All right. So you put roughly 10,000 hours into this book. Was that your plan going into this project? And then some, right. Yeah, you know, it wasn't.

1:23 This book, Silence Was My First Language, actually started, I was, so I'm sober. I'm sober nine years. I was an adult who had not dealt with a lot of things in his childhood that was really catching up with me. And that started right around 2010. And, you know, after several therapists, one therapist said to me, you know, it'd be great to, you know, you have such vivid memories of your childhood. I mean, as early as three years old, why don't you start journaling and putting these thoughts down to paper? And that's how this book came to be, simply by accident.

2:07 I will preface this that, you know, as a kid and young adult, I loved to write. But it's something that I never thought I would pursue. It's so out of my realm and what I do for a living. And... That journey started in 2010. And I tell you, it was a tug of war. It took me through some really rough periods. I would throw the notes away and put them on the side, come back to them. You know, it's interesting when I look at this project, this story of my life, it was very cathartic. And half of that book Was written under the influence, essentially, because I was drinking.

2:54 And then I got sober in 2017. I'm nine years sober today. And boy, I tell you, things you compartmentalize and bury things so deeply, you know, those things start to come out. So you essentially have this person under the influence writing In anger and pain and in shame and so forth. And then you have this other person writing in a sense of, you know, he's getting clean and he's getting sober and he's coming to terms with accountability and redemption and resilience.

3:37 So it's a pretty powerful story. And it's, yeah, it took a lot out of me. Very cathartic. Was silence your way of maintaining safety? Yeah, you know, it's funny because the name of the book, Silence, was my first language. It was so apropos. When I was writing, Melvin, it was every so often the word silence would come up in my writing. I'm like, wow, okay. So I had to really examine what that meant. Silence for me was growing up around abuse, horrendous poverty and violence, hunger, homelessness and an addiction.

4:27 The only way I knew to survive from the person who inflicted this, my stepfather from, you know, from the age of four or five was to be invisible, to be silent, because If you were on the radar, it was going to be a very bad day for you. Was there physical abuse? Yeah, you know, unfortunately, and keeping true with the raw data in this book. You know, I grew up very, very abused, you know, as early as five years old when just a little bit after he came into our lives.

5:13 I'll never forget the first day that he laid his hands on me. I grew up, you know, English wasn't my first language. I am first generation American. And my mom and real dad came over literally on a boat from the Dominican Republic. We didn't speak English. They never learned. And actually, all these years later, it's really broken. But I didn't speak English until I went to school. The problem was we lived in this really beat up basement. It was horrible. There were roaches and rats. I mean, we would have to cover ourselves at night. We would use the oven and the gas top for heat in the winter.

5:55 I grew up in New York, in the Bronx, in New York City. So when he came into our lives, I'll never forget this. It was my first day of school. I had no relation to the outside world. There was no such thing as pre-K or you didn't hang out with anyone. I just lived in that apartment in the basement. And it was time for me to go to school. I was in my PJs. I just didn't want to go. And that was the first time he ever laid his hands on me. Close fists just whacked me in the side of my face so hard. I've never felt anything like that. Wow. I was so shaken that I peed my pajamas. And the school was literally across the street.

6:38 I went to school in my wet pajamas. And in true fashion in the 70s and 80s, everyone just looked the other way. I literally sat in wet pajamas at school. That was my first introduction to violence. That's terrible. I'm sorry you experienced that. No, I appreciate that. I've come to terms with a lot of these things. You know, for those who ultimately read the book, it's a lot. It really is. It's a story. I didn't want to sugarcoat it. So it's very, very raw because I want it.

7:18 My idea behind this book is I wanted to put that person in the book. It's very cinematic. It uses all your five senses. It really puts the reader in there. And some of the advanced reviews, it's almost amazing how Those reviews are similar. I had to put it down for a moment to really reflect on what this kid went through. I've witnessed stabbings. I've witnessed Russian roulette between him and my mom under one of his cocaine-fueled episodes. You know, I had to become a father figure literally at the age of 10 to my siblings because we had no food.

8:03 You know, back in the 80s, you know, I think they call it EBT today. We had actual welfare checks, food stamps. I was forced as early as 12 and 13 to go to the local supermarket to sell food stamps for cash for half the value so that they can have cash. To buy alcohol and other things that you couldn't normally buy with food stamps. I lived in a train station that was abandoned for nine months, all the while keeping my grades, keeping my clothes in the school locker and showering in a bathroom at the school, those kinds of things.

8:44 I genuinely believe God put me through that in order to tell the story today and help someone else. What was your relationship with your mother like during that time? That's a great question. At first, there was a lot of love in the house. We were poor as crap. She threw my biological dad out at the age of three. I mean, he just didn't work. And, you know, her idea of working, and I mean, she was a hustler back then. She would work at restaurants washing dishes.

9:26 She would clean homes. She would work at hotels at a maid, and she would never, ever be home. But she did that for us. And then this man comes into our life and tries to become the provider, which wasn't the case. I felt for her initially. And in the book, you'll empathize with her. You'll feel for her initially. But as time went on, because she was very abused as well. She became the martyr. She became the manipulator. She knew how to manipulate situations for people to feel sorry for her and give her money. I mean, there was one case where she had me steal from my best friend's family in order for us to have cash.

10:11 That was because she made me feel bad. Hey, if we don't have this money, we were evicted so many times, Melvin. So ultimate, I mean, this is a woman who was thrown, if you can think of a New York City apartment building and think of a flight of stairs between floors, she was eight months pregnant with my little brother and thrown down the stairs by my stepdad and survived it, thank God. There were other issues that weren't survivable, but you feel for her itself, but then, you know, as you get older, you look for her protections. Either she was too busy protecting herself or she was – I would say she was trying to work the game, you know, in order to have people give her money so they can do things or whatever, you know, that kind of thing.

11:04 Was there any place in your life where you felt safe? Yeah, that's a – you know, that's a great question. I reflect on that question a lot because there was a place – My grandfather, my biological grandfather. It's interesting because his son didn't graduate from high school. Like I said, came over. Let's call it what it is. He was a deadbeat as far as a dad's concerned. This man took that role when he could. He was affluent in his community. He had cattle. He had land in the Dominican Republic. He was respected in the community.

11:45 And his gift to us, he would try to make up for his son's failures. As soon as summer hit, he would fly me and my sister to the Dominican Republic and we would spend summer there. And I tell you, we didn't want to come home. But of course, that wasn't the case. That was kind of like, you know, it was like, I equate that to you went off to war and now you are, you know, you've been allowed some time to come home to your family before you go back out to war. But this one particular year, you know, he had housekeeping and maids. He did very well. But it's also very common in the Dominican Republic.

12:27 It was affordable. There was this young lady there And I was 12 or 13, never had any feelings towards girls. I was just getting to know my body and so forth. Had a crush on her. She was very pretty. She was probably in her mid-20s or so forth. She groomed me and ultimately took my virginity and abused me over and over for a good two to three months. And, you know, some of your viewers may be like, well, That's great. I mean, who wouldn't want that? I didn't know what I was doing. I was a child. I was a child already addicted to alcohol, nonetheless.

13:12 I started drinking at the age of seven because my mom would feed us drinks at parties. And ultimately that became my protection. So here I am at 12, 13, trying to survive going to my Coming home from war, and now I'm experiencing something else in my safe place. So I lost that after 13. Wow. Yeah. Wow. The deck of cards, right? Yeah, I don't even know what to say. If you had your grandfather's place as an oasis, and a shark came on to land on your oasis, what do you do next? What did you do?

13:52 Yeah, you know, I kept drinking, that's for sure. It's funny, alcohol sort of, early on sort of became my, it numbed me. It was my outlet. It protected me. It was a way to deal with what was going on in my daily life. I mean, I was drinking heavily by then. I look back, I was like, oh my gosh. And I think about my kids and them drinking at that age. I mean, I started drinking at seven years old, Melvin. That's crazy.

14:33 And that's because everyone thought, you know, we would throw in Spanish families, especially Caribbean families, we'd throw these crazy parties. But our parties would start on Thursday with a full house and end on Sunday. And there was a lot of fighting between relatives going on. And You know, everything is, your sensitivity to everything just goes by the side, by the way, you know. Alcohol became the way I dealt with things. And I liked it. Let's be honest, I did. I liked it. That was my, what made me feel good. I looked back, I was like, how?

15:15 And I know you like baseball and I see it a lot. You do a lot of things. I was an athlete. In spite of all of this, I was one of those overachievers outside of what was really going on in my life. I got a partial scholarship to play ball all through high school and junior high. I played ball. That was kind of my outlet. And I overachieved. And that's how I was able to shower at school because I had the access. And But I drank and I was great at school, but I drank and I drank. I don't know how I kept it together throughout that whole time. I really don't.

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16:40 Again, that's MediaWellDoneLLC.com. Check out the website for yourself and let us know what you think. This question is a little bit, pardon the pun, out of left field here. Yeah. Hitting a baseball is hard enough when you're a stone cold sore and you have 20-20 vision. Amen. How did you do it when you were drunk? Let me preface with this. I wasn't the best hitter, so I'm left-handed. I was a great pitcher. Okay. Pitchers aren't athletes anyway. That's right. Oh, boy. You know, well, I could hit about 220 in those days.

17:23 It wasn't all that bad. Yeah, there's some kids in my school who I give them the pitchers only. I give them such a hard time. Pitchers aren't athletes. You just get the ball and throw it. So was there anybody apart from your grandfather who you could trust, who was trustworthy? Yeah, so I go back to God. I didn't know it then. I know it now. But God putting people in your life by the age of, By the age of 14, 13, 14, it was pretty much, I would come home to make sure the kids are eating. I was pretty much on the street.

18:04 All the while carrying the facade that everything's great. And I genuinely believe that teachers knew, principals knew, and everyone chose to look away. And maybe because I grew up in such a terrible neighborhood that maybe teachers were fending for themselves. I don't know. Because the violence in my town. Now we're fast forward. We're on Long Island. And some people think that Long Island, New York is beautiful. And lots of it is. But there are a lot of rough things. Towns in Long Island. And it almost went like we went from the Bronx, which was a really rough place to live, to a really rough place to live on Long Island.

18:46 And teachers were just trying to survive. But this gentleman, Chris Patterson, and he's one of the folks that I dedicate silence was my first language to. I met him on accident. I was on the street. I used to like to rap. He was a musician and he was in the industry. And he was, I met, he was 21. I was 14. He, we both had a mutual friend and he, that mutual friend, I was hanging out, we were out at night. And every time you see a car slow down, you better duck because you don't know what's coming. In this case, it turned out to be his buddy, Chris, who eventually became my mentor. And we got to talk and he found out that I like to rap and he's like, well, spit some rhymes.

19:30 And I did. And he was taken back. He's like, you come to the studio with me. And I was like, really? And he became a positive force to where all of that horrible stuff that was going on. He became a protector in a sense. I mean, he stood up to my stepfather a couple of times, which was pretty intense. And by then, you know, 14, 15, 16, I'm a strong young man. I'm an athlete. But that doesn't matter when someone owns you emotionally and mentally. You still feel like you're still afraid. But...

20:11 As I do with all things, I've ruined that relationship for a while because I would, in the end, selfishly choose me. And he taught me a valuable lesson about being responsible and accountable. He had rules and his rules were, you break those rules, it's over. And I broke those rules. You know, I obviously sought his forgiveness years later, and he's been in my life ever since. And he continues to be a mentor to me to this day. But, you know, the only thing I knew how to do at that time was survive and survive and survive. And by the way, alcohol was one of those things that was off the table, which I would refuse to give up.

20:54 So if a coach or a teacher had come, had recognized your situation and Offered some type of help, some type of support or encouragement. Would you have been able to accept that? I'll say this. I've been known to have alcohol on my breath during practice. And it was brought up, but nothing was ever done about it. I don't know what to make of that. Was the value of my arm more valuable than the safety of my soul? I don't know. I can answer that for you, having coached and having been around coaches. Yes. The answer is yes.

21:35 I've seen it too many times. I don't necessarily mean with alcohol. It's usually with attitudes. With attitudes. Yeah. If a person, especially a pitcher, because they're so hard to find, if you've got a good left-handed pitcher, that kid can get away with almost anything. Yeah. Yeah. And I did. And I did. It's sad. I had to punish discipline, whatever you want to call it, some players in front of the team. Nothing harsh. Just like making them run during practice or something. Right. But they weren't even held to that level of accountability. They weren't even used to that. And they bristled at it.

22:16 But then I think later on they respected that I held them to the same standards I held everybody else. Yeah. Yeah. You know, this particular coach, you know, I owe him. It's because of him that I was able to get out the quote unquote ghetto and go to college. Now, listen, my arm was dead by year two. I got to keep my partial scholarship, but I don't know that I would have made it out otherwise. I know my grades were strong, but it was also a weak school where High school graduation rates were a lot less than what you would normally see in a good academic setting. I was the first one to graduate high school.

22:57 That's also crazy. When I think about that, it's like, wow. I was called a dog my entire life by my stepfather. That was my name. It never addressed me as Rich or Richard or Richie. It was dog. And that hurts. And maybe that's why I became an overachiever. And I, you know, today I try to, I don't, I haven't forgiven what they've done to me, but I try to understand a little bit. And maybe he was projecting about what he felt about himself. But that, that name stayed with me for, I would say stayed with me till about 10 years ago, nine years ago.

23:39 It really did. I mean, yeah, I, it, it, I think that I learned to deal with the insecurities and the shame and everything else and the, quote unquote, this imposter syndrome that I had once I got sober. I've had a tremendous career, but I also lived, it was a house of cards. And as much as I would overachieve, I still considered myself a dog, unfortunately. And as a result, you drink heavier. Wow. Yeah. Your last name doesn't seem like a Dominican name. Is it from your stepdad?

24:19 That's a great question. You're the first one to really pick that one up, Melvin. It's in the book. I'll tell you about it. My wife, who I adore, she's my lioness. She has given... 32 years of marriage, 35 years of togetherness to me. She has, man, I've put her through a lot. Let's call it what it is. I was never physical or anything like that. I was just, I was one of those dumb drunks, obnoxious and gregarious, the one that you would worry about whether am I going to make it home alive kind of thing. And I put my family through a lot. But The beginnings where she's one of four sisters and they grew up, she grew up completely the opposite that I did.

25:05 I mean, you know, everything was rosy, the best parents in the world, a family that you can emulate. I mean, her dad is my hero. So my name meant nothing to me, really didn't, you know, other than my grandfather. And I wanted to honor my father-in-law by carrying on his name. So when I asked for his permission in marriage, I asked, would it be okay to take on the family name and continue his legacy? And that's how I got the Dunning name. And I have three children, two of which are males, all young adults now, who will hopefully carry on the Dunning name.

25:52 And, you know, I always said, if I could be a half the man that that man is, And listen, and he knows about my shortcomings. He's read the book. And you know what he did? I think that if I would have read that book and what I put my family through as an adult, I would have probably smacked me. The first thing he did was hug me. And he's like, I didn't know the extent of what you went through. I mean, there's some really tough things that a normal person would be like, this cannot be true. Because it was just never, the story's never ending in the trauma that I've gone through. Up until I broke out.

26:33 And then I created my own disasters, of course, as an adult. Because I just couldn't, I couldn't deal. That child never left the adult. That child was still living in that adult. So I was always paranoid. The anxiety. I didn't trust my own wife with me. I would rather hurt you. Then ultimately be hurt. Those were all my defense mechanisms. And by the time I stopped drinking, I was drinking a bottle of bourbon a day, driving drunk. Thank God I never killed anyone or hurt myself or DUI. I really do. I think it's a divine intervention from God that I'm meant here today to tell my story in the hopes that I can help someone else at a younger age.

27:20 Because I shouldn't be here right now. I shouldn't. Wow, that's all pretty amazing. Have you ever thought about how different your life would be if your father-in-law had been your father? Oh, my God. That guy, you know, the selflessness of that man is unreal. The way he treats his family, and that's the found, everything is family for him. He's Irish, Irishman, Irish English, and the love that he has for you, as I... You know, people who were in, I guess, I was a young kid when I met my wife.

28:06 And I was always paranoid and had anxiety about what people thought about me. And here is this Dominican kid that's coming from, and he knows exactly where I came from, meaning because he knows the neighborhood, knocking on his door to see his daughters. And they were affluent. And he welcomes you with open arms. And here I think, I don't even deserve to be in your home because of what I carried. And I would think he would see me in the same manner. And I've never, ever had a moment with him where...

28:46 He wasn't telling me he loved me or that he supports me or that I'm his son. The two men that were involved in my life initially will never even have the honor of shining this man's shoes. Wow. Yeah. I just thought of a question, sort of follow up to a previous question about your last name. How did you propose to your wife? What... Well, obviously you said, will you marry me? Will you marry me? Can I have your name? No. I'm taking your name. That's great.

29:28 So, you know, it's funny because for me, first of all, I had saved up. I was young and dumb. I was 24 when I got married. So I asked her to marry me. I was 23. I was 24. Barely out of school, not making much money at all. I actually went into the restaurant business initially before I went back to school, got my nursing degree and ultimately went into medical devices and now a senior executive. But I didn't have much money. And I had this ring that I finally saved up and bought that was burning a hole in my pocket for like a week. I had to get it off my chest, you know, and just let her know. So I'll never forget her parents were actually on vacation.

30:10 In South Carolina of all places, they now live nearby us in South Carolina as well. But we were still living in New York, of course. And I had to talk to him because he's like, so I call him. I finally get him on the phone. He's like, Rich, I know what you're going to ask me. Of course you have my blessing, et cetera. And then I say, well, it would be an honor because of what he meant to me. And I can feel him. Welling up in tears, which was fantastic. It was a real good moment for me. And again, in the spirit of being young and dumb, I wasn't the most romantic person in the world. I wound up proposing to my wife at a park, of all things, wearing a concert shirt.

30:54 She never lets me live it down, but I think I've more than made up for it since then. But that's why I was like, look, you know, and I said, I spoke to your dad and I hope that this is okay with you, that I would love to take your name in marriage. It would be an honor for me to carry that on. And of course, you know, That meant a lot to her because she is, that woman is a true Dunning and stubborn as a Dunning as well if you know the Dunnings. She's my lioness, man. And I look at my kids and those years that I was checked out and I blacked out a lot. So there are a lot of memories that I can't get back.

31:35 And those kids, the way they are is because of my wife. I owe her so much. She should have dumped my butt Many times over. And the fact that she didn't is incredible in how she fought for me in terms of, it was tough love. Don't get me. She's a tough cookie. It was like, it's time to get off the pot, if you know what I mean. Because this is coming to an end. And you would think that would be a rock bottom, and it wasn't for me. My rock bottom was a really tough day, and it's in the book.

32:21 Have your kids read your book? Two have. The third one still struggles. He's the oldest. It's interesting, even though... I wasn't violent or anything like that. It's amazing how intergenerational trauma can happen. He saw dad in a bad place. He saw dad. It's interesting that when I would come home, everyone would scatter into their rooms. It's like, wait a second. That looks kind of familiar. I used to do the same thing. But I don't hit my kids. I don't really yell at them. Why are they doing that? They didn't want to be around the drama that was me.

33:03 And for him, it took a lot more work. To this day, it takes the energy and the work, which I am willing to do to the day I die, to meet him where he is. And I will always meet him where he is. He deserves that. He took on that very same role, the caretaker of the family, protector of his mom, You know, making sure mom and the kids were okay. And our circumstances, meaning even financially, weren't the same. Maybe we were living an affluent life and a blessed life, but those emotions, the pain that I put my family through, he felt responsible, you know, as early as 14 and 15.

33:49 He's stoic in nature. He can be cautious with me at times, but I think we've come a long way in our relationship. He does say, I don't know that I can read the book because it would bring back so much for me. Son, that's fine. I get it. I get it. I hope that you have seen the change in me as a person, as an advocate for sobriety issues. Paying it forward that, you know, you see the healing in me and that, you know, that I'm trying every day. And I think he does. I think he does. Speaking of paying it forward, you started the First Language Foundation. Yes. What led you to start that organization?

34:30 Yeah. So thank you for bringing that up. So writing this book wasn't the end game for me. You know, I felt like I needed to write this book. To speak to that child that may pick it up, or the young adult that may pick it up, that to save them that battle of what it's like to live in pain and that you don't have to be silent, that someone's there. If you just reach out and take that first step, we're here for you. I know I am. I'll go anywhere for that person. This foundation focuses on the very same things that I went through. It supports kids and young adults that have gone through abuse, the trauma, exploitation, hunger, and homelessness.

35:19 And I'm putting my money where my mouth is. For every book that I sell in perpetuity, not only for this book, I have three other books that I would love to follow in my platform that are completed. $1 will go towards that foundation. And we're also taking public donations. We're a 501c3, of course. And what I love about our foundation is that we have a great board. No one's taking a paycheck. So all the monies are going to... Directly help these kids. That was the bar for me. We have physicians on staff.

36:02 We have a New York City fireman on staff. Just great people who really want to make a difference in kids' lives. And you can find that at firstlanguagefoundation.org or through my website, richstunningbooks.com. That'll connect you right over. But that is my personal commitment for every book I sell. In perpetuity for all of my books, $1 will go towards the foundation. Okay. So are there any things today that bring you pleasure? Yes, I will say that. So I love golf, but I stink at it from a physical standpoint. Yeah. I think for me, I've always been an athlete.

36:45 And for a good 10 years, I lost my way. The drinking got heavy. I ballooned up to 260 pounds. The day I stopped drinking, I was literally 260 pounds nine years ago. And I looked in the mirror, I was like, oh my gosh, who is this person? So I went on my wellness journey. And my wellness journey consisted of three things. Obviously, let's heal the mind. Let's heal the soul. But let's heal the body. That was important to me because I'm a role model to my kids. And my kids are all athletes. I have one playing for the University of South Carolina right now for soccer. And, you know, I had let myself go where I just didn't want to live.

37:28 I constant state of depression. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed. And that's how I checked out. Even after I got sober, for the next year and a half, I still battled the anxiety and learning how to deal with sobriety and the shame. I wasn't well. So after I kind of figured it out and kind of what's going to work for me, I went on this wellness journey. And today, you know, 70 pounds lighter. I'm 56 years old. I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm strong. My mind is in a great place. My heart's in a great place. I'm happy.

38:09 If there's a day that goes by and I'm not working out, I'm going like this kind of thing. If you want to call it an addiction, call it an addiction. Did I trade in one addiction for the next? Maybe, but it's a healthy one for me. And again, if it serves, it's like, you know, my kids look at me, Dad, you look good. You're taking care of yourself. That means a lot. That's great. Yeah. As we start to wind down the conversation, I've got five rapid fire questions for you. Sure. All right. So let's start here. What's one thing you still love about the Bronx? Oh, the Yankees, baby. I know. I see that Houston Astros over there.

38:50 You're probably scared. You're probably scared of Jose Altuve right now. My Yankees, my Yankees, my Yankees. I've died hard since I was four years old. It was, again, you think about safe places. I think about, you know, even in the late 70s, I mean, Reggie was my hero. Reggie Jackson was my man. Thurman Munson, those guys, those guys were, they were gritty. They were tough. And, but then, you know, we went on this, you know, the 95 run to 2001 with Jeter and those boys. I mean, gosh, I've, I saw a lot of success with those guys. And you can't help but love that 95 to 2000 group.

39:31 I mean, those guys, they were homegrown, number one. And you live with them day in and day out. I had a former Yankee on this podcast two or three weeks ago. Oh, yeah? Who was that? Before your time, Andre Robertson. He was a chef. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And had a car accident and broke his neck like his third year in the majors and was never quite the same. But he was really fun to talk to. I met him at a book signing at the weekend before and got his information, called him up and did the podcast. It was really fun. That's awesome. That's awesome. You see over this shoulder here, you got the Astrodome right here.

40:12 Yes. My daughter painted this picture for me for Father's Day last year. That's great. Talk about baseball and being cathartic and all that stuff. I have similar experiences with how baseball helped me get through my teen years. My dad and I were very, very close and he introduced me to baseball and fishing and those kind of things. And he died when I was 13 years old. I'm sorry. And so we live close enough to the Astrodome and I could ride my bike there. Wow. So there were times when I would go to the games by myself as a teenager because that helped me.

40:52 That helped me heal. Healing process. So baseball does things. If you're not a baseball fan, you think baseball is boring. There's a whole lot more to baseball than baseball. Yeah. There's so many things going on throughout the game that makes it, I don't think there's anything like it. And there's some great sports out there. You know, we love soccer. We love football. But for me, Baseball is king. It's just a great game. It really is. I agree. All right. So what's one book you recommend other people read? Obviously your book. Is there another one? Thank you for that book.

41:34 I love this book. For me, it was phenomenal. It's called 10,000 Hours, actually. And I thought it was a powerful book for me In a sense, how someone truly, how the mind works in terms of how someone truly becomes an expert in their craft. And it goes, you know, even thinking about how the Beatles were playing this crappy little joint in Liverpool and people would throw things. But they did that for 10,000 hours and look, you know, just an amazing career. Right. Just I found that book so fascinating. And then I try to play that back. Into what I've done, including this book. It's been over 10,000 hours.

42:14 But even in my craft at work and being an expert in what I do and how people, it's just fascinating to me. It really is. So I just love that book. And I've read that book several times. I think I know what you're talking about. Did Malcolm Gladwell write that book? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. I thought about it when I saw the 10,000 hours in writing this book. Yeah. So do you write best in silence or with music? Music. Everything's music in my life. Having that little bit of a bug. Yes, the corny rapper. I was the Sir Rock of the day. Was that your rap name?

42:56 Sir Rock. I'm so embarrassed I just said that. Sir Rock. Would you spell it with one R or two? I was the S-I-R-R-O-C-K. That's how I would throw it down. Maybe I'll cut this part out. Cringe. Yeah, so that was my stage game. That's our viral moment right there. So, yeah, I mean, music is a big part of our, even in our home. I mean, we play everything from hip hop. To rock, to jazz, love jazz, love reggae.

43:37 Reggae probably is my favorite. I guess that Caribbean being in the car, I don't know, but it's always been a part of my life. I love, I love house music. I mean, I just love it all. There's always music playing in our house. That's great. So my next question, I think I just got the answer to already. What would surprise people about you? You being Sir Rock. I just gave it up. It's actually in a book. And every time I see that, I cringe. Hey, I will say this. We were called the Music Bunch. We were the Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch before the Mark Mark and the Funky Bunch was out.

44:18 Were you the Marky Mark? Yeah. And I love to cook. I think I'm a really good cook. I love cooking. Those are my two favorite things. All right. All right. Last question of the day. Yes, sir. What are you looking forward to right now? I look at my career. It's been a blessed career. I'm so happy with what I accomplished there. I am looking forward, hopefully, if God willing, to have this beautiful next chapter in authorship. I think while this project that I'm doing here is my coming out book and Boy, am I putting it out there.

44:59 There are no more skeletons in my closet. You can't shame me any more than what I'm putting out there. But I think I have some really good stories and books that are based on nonfiction. But our fiction, they have some nonfiction truths to them. And they're wonderful stories that I think would do very well in the public setting. And I hope that that's the next platform, as well as dedicate... All of my extra time to the foundation. That is the goal. And hopefully watch my kids be great, great, the next generation of leaders.

45:40 Wow, that's pretty amazing. Rich Dunning has been my guest today. Rich, thank you so much for joining me and sharing your story. It's incredible to hear your story and to see you smile is amazing. That makes it easier to handle all the things you share. Thank you, Melvin. Yeah. Thank you so much. And again, my book is coming out October 6th. You can buy it anywhere. You'll have the audio book. If you want to hear a New Yorker doing the audio book, I'm doing the audio book as well. And you can pre-order today at richdunningbooks.com as well. And I am so honored, Melvin, and I'm so happy to finally meet you.

46:20 You're doing such great things for the community. Thank you, sir. I really appreciate that. Thank you. So again, Rich's book is called Silence Was My First Language, and you can learn more about Rich, his writings, or the First Language Foundation at richdunningbooks.com, along with getting his book or audiobook. I'll include that link in the show notes. That's it for this week's episode of Stories from Real Life. Until next time, don't forget to shine your light wherever you go. That was Stories from Real Life. Join us again next week for another great storytelling journey. See you next time.

47:16 Stories from Real Life is a production of Media Well Done, LLC.